- Authentic = Acknowledgement: You meet and your coach gets to know you. You may go over your resume, childhood, etc. You dive into what is now. Who you are and what you are doing right now. What are your issues, blocks, problems, successes, etc. Your coach may read your resume. You get real comfortable with the reality of you now and do some work on habits, patterns, and ways of thinking that might be holding you back and self-sabotaging your efforts.
- Clarity=Declaration: You work to define your purpose in life. A short general statement that describes who you are and what you do is crafted. You fill in the blanks of “I am the blank that blanks” for example, or craft a mission statement.
- Intention=Mission: You plan out ways to live your purpose and a mission to go on to get there
- Action=Results: You plan actions for certain results and your coach holds you accountable for them.
#3 and #4 then loop and repeat with your coach helping you from the sidelines. My Process I’m not going to get too personal here, but I’ll give some examples of things I did that helped me and I found interesting. Matthew and I met and went over my resume and upbringing to start and and I filled in this questionnaire:
- What do you want to get from coaching?
- If you could wave a magic wand and change anything in your life, what would it be?
- What has to happen for you to know coaching has benefited your life?
- If you trusted me enough to tell me how to support you most effectively, what tips would you give me?
- What are the three most important things in your life right now?
- When you are most stuck, what would I say to you that will support you in connecting to your power?
- What are you naturally good at doing or being? What is easy for you?
- What would your closest friends say are your best abilities?
- What are some of your favorite things, places and people?
- What else would you like to share about yourself?
As I progressed through the process I was surprised what came up. At first anger surfaced in terms of my relationships. Then some “characters” emerged from within my head that were not helping me out. For example, I found a very good “judge” in me that tends to, well, judge. But he doesn’t do much else except be critical. I also spent a week or so on a “Hippie kid” that runs around in the shadows of my mind, popping put to be rebellious and say things like “I don’t know what I want to do” or “I don’t have to do anything” which are counter productive. Matthew had a good quote here I wrote down:
“Integrate the hippie kid. Get complete with the judge. Transcend them both, And step into your soul.”
After each session there would be homework assigned. Some examples of homework were: – Find examples of people who do something you respect and are attracted to for a living. – Observe feelings of anger. Physical and emotional. Write it down. – Make a sign by bed, on a cell phone display, or in car that says: “What am I angry about?” – Call Matthew every day for 30 seconds or less, anytime 24/7 and leave a message reciting your declaration of self. My most salient work came out of Matthew step #2: Declaration. Over a three week period we worked to fill in the “blanks” in this sentence: “I am the blank that blanks.” I went through many drafts, but ended up at: “I am the communicator that helps humanity.” After trying it on for a few months now, I like it. It grounds me but provides flexibility in terms of details and careers. Incidentally, Matthew is, “The voice that integrates,” and I think my mother would be “I am the teacher that educates children,” since she’s a 35 year public school teacher. Matthew and I worked from there on achieving goals (one of them being this site) with him being my coach and holding me accountable. We’re currently still in process working on actions and intentions. Life coaching was very useful to me, but I was ready to actively change my life and I’d been in therapy, so I don’t think I was looking for that, which would be a mistake unless your life coach is specifically trained to be a licensed therapist. And beware of life coaching as a “quick fix.” Real change takes time and energy and is often a challenging process. I believe the discipline needs to continue to become more academically and scientifically rigorous and I hope it will so it can improve its reputation. Eventually I see becoming a life coach to be similar to becoming a licensed therapist. More Info.