Therapy and Capaccino: Exploring a possible connection between the two for those living in big cities

General
Therapy and Capaccino
Exploring a possible connection between the two for those living in big cities.1995
Caleb John Clark

I used to be one of those Crocodile Dundee types who scorned the mere concept of therapy as a crutch for people so far removed from reality that they forgot why bars exist. I also used to like pots of old coffee. That, however was in the years B.C. (Before City). Now I live smack dab in the middle of one and I have a very nice Jewish boy with a beard who I pay to endlessly repeat the words “and how does that make you feel?”. I also know where to get a good latte’ in every district of the city.

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Like a good lawyer is worth half his bill and a good surgeon is worth whatever he can get out of my insurance company, my therapist has proven to be worth the cash. I pay him and he makes me feel better for six days when whatever drug is circulating in his office wears off, and I get D.T.S. (De-tox from Therapy Syndrome).

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Now here’s where cappuccino comes into the picture. It’s the city that changed my mind about therapy and it’s the city where cappuccino is served every 30 feet. Why? Well the city is just like a small town crammed into your bedroom. In a small town you have bartenders and friends to keep you sane and pots of stale coffee to keep you awake. This works because small towns also have parking places, an absence of suicidal bike messengers and very few free roaming raving psychopaths. But in the city you must also go against all the laws of common decency every day and walk past homeless mothers in the street, who if found on a country road, you would give a good meal, a warm nights sleep, bus fare, and maybe a town sponsored college scholarship for the kids. Instead you squint your eyes and hold out for as many beggings as you can before you finally give up some change in exchange for a few blocks of guilt free travel.

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For these, and o’ so many more, reasons, the city demands high powered weekly therapy and high powered double mochas every block. This is how it is possible to make it down the street without talking to yourself, or passing out from lack of energy.

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The strange thing about therapy and cappuccino is that as soon as you start to see a therapist and drink really good coffee, you want to become one. Therapists must have the secrets of human behavior! The solutions to all your problems! If I was one I wouldn’t be taking a shot and two Vicodin to go to sleep. But reality checks that thought when you find out that your therapist is also in therapy.

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Cappuccino makes you want to become one because then you would always be rich, warm and strong. Sadly this is currently impossible, but I hear it’s being worked on by therapists world wide.

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So there seems to be no way around it: we in the city must go to professionals for these things.

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Given these facts I think the U.S. Government should start a program where everyone who moves to a city is immediately assigned a therapist and given the name of a good cafe. This way everyone is awake and has someone to talk to from the start. Less people go postal, pass out while driving, call me up and want to talk for hours and I get more time to make the money I need to pay my therapist and cafe bills.

Caleb out.

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